Seething

The crusty voices, underlying mistrust

Cushioned in laughter and playfulness

A shallow sporadic voice that bursts

What comes after is venom as jest

You're fooling none, I know this game

understand the friction, shades of grey

What I've become, what this became

We pan the diction, needle in bale

A foot soldier marching on today

Over the hill, over the fire

Across the river, inside the maze

Knowing a trap, follow the sire

What good is a rant that can't be heard

If thoughts are stifled and Hands tied

Dense smoke that comes with mirror,

shards of glass swallowed with pride

I fight I fight the indignant fight

Inside my head a storm brews

Outside is rainbows and butterflies

My demeanor, sharp and cool

This has to stop the seething rage

That grows inside this caged Bird

Face I must or simply walk away

This rising wave must not be curbed.

For I might lose the inner voice

The discerner of black and white

The toughest war rages within

When soul and mind stir up a fight

Another way, a clearer path

Alternatives must be found tonight

For I may not rise if I fall,

My freedom is my own device

As the world turns cold

A Nick, a nudge, so quick to judge
Can't be careful, pressure's too much
Blatant blame, as egos touch
Better pack a punch, Don't think as such

Stepping on toes, drawing first bows
Don't think twice,  no peace restored,
Indecency is acceptable, Cheating is smart
Pushing things on another is the only way to start

As this world turns cold, spite turns bold
Hate turns stronger, love gets told
Politeness walked upon, sad and stowed
Waiting for a spark that's expected to mold

The likes that trample on bodies and souls
To stand up for one, in spite of what's sold,
I'd rather be thought of as Meek and old
Then the smart ones, as the story unfolds

The gory details will swallow you whole,
When these gallows completely shake your core,
Remember, despite being hurt and sore,
Stand your ground, reinforcement in store

I'm going through changes, like Em and Oz
Rough edges rounded, but I hit the pause,

I reflect back as I feel my frozen hands
Leaden head with an evasive stance
I scream, yell, but glide the way through
Make new way for the latest recruit!

Before the end

The road of maze on which I walk
It twists and turns around
In store I have a lot of rage
But ignorant and happy I sound

The invisible thorns I walk upon
They pierce the cheery soul
The mud that splashes all around
They soil the heart of stone

can see the setting sun ahead
But I must walk on some more
To be the man I think I am
I must pursue this lore

The legs froze in it's wake
So stiff, my brain has frozen
This is something I can't shake
Maybe this is the moment chosen

Indeed we know how it all ends
But I must suffer some more
Till I'm scraped away, I've lent
My limbs left to be torn

Maybe the maze will be solved
I might spot an exit
Or too much I get involved
And it's too late to forfeit

As long as the blood and sweat
And tears don't dry my soul
The mind perseveres till last breath
I'll go on, till I'm not told.

Uneasiness before the dawn

Undefined, unexplained
Why d' you always do this brain?
You don't think, you just feel
Can't figure it out, it's so insane

To not know why you're feeling down, downtrodden, walked upon
To cloud your space with all this hate, I think heart, that's your job

If heart and brain are one
As they say it should be
Will my heart be doing all
The thinking this evening?

I don't feel good, you're both crazy
Maybe it's just tiredness
Or maybe it will take some time
To sort through this wired mess

It's not right, is what I know
This knot this clog in my head
Stops me from thinking, sleeping, guess I'll pop a pill instead

That should help, just one more pill
And I just hope I'm in my bed
I overdozed, on placebos
The sugar got me writing next

Now it's time, for me to read
Oh good, this should work just fine
I saw them sheeps and count to three
And hope tomorrow's gon' be all right

Be that rainbow!

When music lifts you at the end of day
The sky is overcast but you make hay
Elevated in this downtrodden world
When things don't come your way you learn
These moments of magic then paves the way
There seems to be no apparent change
The eyes when closed, the heart smiles
The melodies on which my life rides
The beat on which I walk again
The lyrics, everything I want to say
A silent acknowledgement of what I feel
How steady knowledge went from these streets
No more room for no complaints
No expectation, no pain, no gain
No highs to reach, no lows to fall
Only skies, to see and mine to call
Only time can be my friend and foe
Forget everything and start with hope
I reconcile the cranky child in me
So much more to learn and seek
Why bother with all the hopeless vain
Thoughts that bring me down again
Why not choose the exciting path
Where glory would be built to last
Why not see the sun in clouds
Why can't light be in darkness found
Why not hope to live some more
Why not smile and laugh from core
Why not sing and dance in mirth
Why not make this time worth?
Nothing lasts? That's a lie!
This moment lasted for a lifetime
So many lives yet to be lived
So many chances to be seized
So what if today it poured and rained
Shine! Be that rainbow and bless it came

At a loss for words

So much inside me
Beneath it stirs
But strangely I find me
At a loss for words

Sometimes silent
Like a saint
At times violent
Mighty rage
Comes out in different forms
And hurts
But I find myself at a loss for words

It has been too long
That I've written a prose
Started so many
Then my heart froze
Witty got pitiful, the city got cold
But I'm still at a loss for words

The feelings are lodged
In a heart chamber, locked
Trying out  all keys
Maybe I'll just knock
The letters approach the door then blur
Once again, at a loss for words

They used to be my lone strength
At will I would make egos bend
But now the eerie silence creeps
In their search I travel within, deep
Maybe someday they will again surge
But for now, I'm at a loss for words

I hope I crack this labyrinth
With some luck, maybe a shady hint
A crazy insight, a secret path
A steady journey and a bloody lint

We will meet soon, where words won't end
Where heart is empty and eyes don't lament
But till such time, a cost to be occurred
For I am, truly, at a loss for words.

Walking on broken glass

Wavered faith and darkened past
Makes me walk on broken glass
It is by choice, it's how I voice
Some right actions for some wrong past

It all started with one wrong move
One lesson less learned in school
One path easy, one way hard
One called to me, other seemed far

I chose the familiar, saw known faces
It doesn't take time, time it erases
All the faith I seemingly had
Now, how much can I understand

Broken vows and forgotten pledge
Brings me closer to the edge
Just when I'm about to fall
I seem to have a good recall

The path now seems to fade away
T'was only one from which I swayed
The broken bottles on the way
Must walk back, with brittle pace,

The path untrodden may not be wrong
If only the little voice had been strong,
But now as all is said and done
The voice be heeded and things undone

A difficult tread back to the start,
But now I will not lose heart,
The demons shall be put to rest,
And the weight be lifted off my chest!

The times at CHF - 2015

The time's in a maze
And sometimes I'm amazed
It gives me a taste, it says
Do you have what it takes

The days and nights
The stars never gazed
Not one idle moment here
Getting through, yet unscathed

The mind with it's branches
Spreading wide, unfazed
The sleeping in tranches
But the heart still the same

The ride, it's a start
Through the shining day
The shadows, disembarked
Hurriedly, making way

The call that has come
I've answered today
The knots all undone
Still some more have to pave

To the shore at long
Last, the ship has sailed
Steady, the forlorn mast,
It will soon get away

Back to the high seas,
The travelers, not the same
New roads to new discoveries
New friends having made.

With you, my friend

Don't worry my friend,
For life sometimes
May seem to let you down

Don't worry my friend
For the wind may chime
A tune that makes you frown

The path descends
Ahead in time
Some hold your hand, too strong

But then instead
Of joy sublime
They may take back the crown

Fear not; tread
Slow, with open eyes
Your path unique as this song

Their choices lead
To leave your side
Some more may come along

It's true, my friend
I will not bide
My time with you; is long.

With you I spend
My hours, my life,
With you is where I belong

With you; in trend
Of falls and strides
With all cheek and tongue

The times won't bend
The bond and pride
We brave it all as one

The time will mend
For lost time
The frolic and the fun

Together we'll fend
Off the harsh tides
The battles shall be won

Don't worry my friend
I'm on your side
The ride has just begun!

Soliloquy

Soliloquy, in the middle of the street
It's a pity I see, a fiddle with no beat,
So little but fiery, a riddle called dream,
It's like adrenalin, I'm so driven to my feat

It's like God's been giving but I'm missing a piece
To the grand puzzle, here, often, fending hate speech
Of how it's bad how I've been tripping this key
How I'm never gonna make it and bitching this industry

I've had it with you all, y'all can go back to the time
When I killed the rhyme with my sly punchlines
But what happened thereafter  is this thing called life
Same old cat catching up with the same old mice
Wait, hold tight, cos this shit's 'bout to explode
It'll be alright, soon as this venom tears a hole

Searching for soul, nope, it cannot be found
Confounded? Hell yeah, but when I try to respond
All I get is a 'fuck you, die trying, begone!'
What's wrong? Why in the world were you Expecting a happy song?
The wringer will break,all alone this singer shall take
All his words to the grave
In a hearse singing away!
Trying to make a killing
Such ironies I face, today

Hate to say it, but this just
Doesn't make sense
The harder I try, the harder
I'm hated, they vent
They dispute but I fend
Off them haters I send
Packing off your little games
With a kick and dispelled
It's a full circle I'm trying to mend!

As written on 13-march-2015

Goodbye January 2015

Say goodbye to the month that passed
The days so long but the month didn't last
Twelve long ones with twelve hour days
Cannot imagine; I should probably make hay

"Make haste, make do, make all you can"
But I'm doing more than what's my day span
Somewhere along still missing the point
Something went wrong while flipping the coin

Before the second installment begins
A day to reflect; to think, not give in
A stop to the long train of thoughts, until
Mopped up what's bled, coagulate and heal.

This tiny spark by irreplaceable spark
Shall pave the way for the fire in dark
Life's a never ending transition phase
But for now I rest my eyes and case!

As written on 01-feb-2015

X-mas 2014

Hang out the stockings,
Pray to the lord,
Let Santa shower
His magic on all

Let the fun and frolic
Celebrations and treats
Fill the space under the Christmas tree

May your stockings be filled
On the morrow
May your chimney way have a big enough hollow
For Santa to enter and exit
In a jiffy
He isn't going to forget you, is he!

May the carols pave way
For a better new year
May the merriness make
The eve endeared

To all in here I say this much
Wish you all a merry Christmas!!

Losing sleep

I never thought I would lose my sleep
But all these thoughts I cannot keep,
Inside, my head there's a thunderstorm,
That rains on hope and thoughts warm.

Craving for a little piece of sunshine,
As darkness envelops my delirious mind
A ray of hope, a symbol or sign
Maybe only intervention divine

Can save me now, for the bugle's sounded
The chip on my shoulder, is fairly astounded
through this wringer I must go again,
A war of rules, clash of minds restrained

A fairly average game to lose,
I so did not want my life confused,
Where is that star I used to see,
Alas the sky is growing weak,

I look across the horizons spread
The stars they fade, there's the sun instead
How long have I been gazing by
And searched in the wrong part of the sky

How long have I been pushing the bend,
The dead end I didn't think to mend
My ways, I missed the turn somewhere,
Looking back and the darkness glares

Destiny they say are made by choices,
When silence get replaced by voices,
The decision now has to be made,
To stare the wall, or gaze the ray

Of sunlight that marks my new way
Maybe this will take me away
From the dread, that's filled up to the seams
Maybe one night will help me sleep

Invisible chain

Twisting and turning
With my thoughts unsettled
Like a very hot fire
Under a burning kettle

These ideas, they stew, they boil and they cook
At the end of my wits, everywhere I've looked

A way is what I need right now, one desperate move
Or it will be checkmate again guessing nothing new

I refuse to go down without a fight
Most certainly I refuse to go down
I may hide, find ways to bide my time
Soul searching, this soul is well bestowed

At times I falter, I fall down
Get bogged by invisible chains
These chains that tie my thoughts and heart,
my hands and legs and brain

They seem impossible to be unshackled
How can I begin to try?
Among the ridicule and cruel heckle
It makes me want to cry

It makes me want to give up
this fight, You, can have it all
All the mud slings gory
All the glory and awards

But something stirs inside
How can I let it be?
How can I let myself be trapped
With bitter memories?
How can something as trivial
As bitter conjectures
Shackle everything I know
Time for my deflector

These imaginary bonds
Shall be put to test
All Chinese whispers and whisperers
Shall be put to rest

And all the demons in my head
All of them will be slayed
They say it is a nightmare
Of dreams I'm not afraid

It's time to take a silent moment
With conviction I must move
Not let this break my swagger
This moment I shall use

To rise above the clouds
My own standards be surpassed
Things need to be set right
In stone nothing's cast.

But the horse has to die

A dreary path and rustic breeze
To this I didn't agree
For speed and strength I'm sought
After all, I am that horse

The one who befriends the rider
And goes on without a sigh
Even when the sands are wider
Than what seems, the sky

I push my limits ahead
No complains, no pit stops
My friend my master forgets
Soon all shall be lost

Enter: the camel, made for dunes
My fellow, my counter part,
He groans and grieves and makes the halt, when he thinks he should stop

He goes on for days and nights for he's accepted and well rested
Now I struggle to take a step
My limits are well tested

A traitor, they say, as I drop
Drop down on my knees
What good a horse that knows not
Itself, if forgets to breathe

The rider's friend, companion
Shall now be bid goodbye
The rider will survive
But the horse has to die.

Sense

I wish I could make some sense
Of things before they could start
I wish there was no difference
With matters of mind and heart

I wish they were united
The conquest for red and green
A shame when I decided
Only to one I must agree

Another way is required
This path has been long tread
But what has been desired
Is so lost inside my head

I try and try to recollect
What is that thing I'd thought?
Now I doubt my intellect
Good reason beyond a doubt

I recognize this one pattern
The cycles of night and day
Never do they take a wild turn
It's time to shut the drapes

Some things have got to change
Damned, if I knew what
Some things best remembered
And some just plain forgot.

The goodnight song

It's time to stop, time to breathe
Stop running, it's time to sleep
Ran hard as I could
Now catching my breath
It's time to stop
Watching my step

The bones then clutter
Slowly rumble
With pride I began
Then slowly humbled

It's time for this one
To rest and sleep
To turn into a lion
From being a sheep

The resilience comes
After the fall
Where one ends,
New chapters evolve

But now I close my eyes
And dream
Of stars and skies and
Happy things
And pray the lord
To give me sight
To wield my pen
And spread the light.

I wish i was better than this

I wish I was better
Better equipped and fast
I wish I was better
And can do things that last

Instead I'm left wandering
Wondering at the stars
Why do they seem to wink
And why are they so far?

Why could I not figure
What I'm supposed to do?
Instead I'm left trying
At something everyone is good

But where's my part written?
Why can I not read?
I'm trying hard to listen
But no one seems to speak

I wish I was stronger
To take on more of the blame
Some part of it was not my fault
But now it's all a shame

Wish I could see the stumbling blocks,
Before I fall on those
Wish I had seen a bit ahead
Instead of staring at my toes

I wish I could tell them
How I see through their lies
How I feel about their tears
And all their fake smiles

I wish I was better
At what my heart yearns
A skill that I'd enjoy
A skill that would earn

Keep your eyes and ear
Open wide, they said
You will learn a lot from that
I did, I'm afraid.

What you learn can shock you
It can make you wise
I choose to look elsewhere
And at things without disguise

The search will continue
A constant effort and will
A will to make a difference
An effort to build the skill.

Looking for the rainbow

Looking for that rainbow
Searching everyday
Need a little sunshine
Need a little rain

Sometimes the sun
Hides behind the clouds
Sometimes the sun
Dispels everything around

But the rainbow's formed
When they both meet
With a little bit of sunshine
A light drizzle greets

But there is a constant
Struggle for peace
One overlooks
The other oversees

Will I ever know?
Will it ever show?
Will the darkness be overcome with the right glow?

With the right balance
The colors come out
Yellow and grey give way
To the bright vibgyor

Looking at the wet sky
Seeing no sign
Waiting another day
Waiting another night

When you're trying to be strong

This calmness gets on my nerves
Suddenly it is so quiet
Like something about to swerve
This feeling can't be right

The sun hides behind the clouds
The sky gives out a shout
Then cries from the heavens
Here they come, all the doubts

It was good while it lasted
Is it too good to be true?
You can have only what you think deserves to be with you

Suddenly everything's wrong
All my steps are a stumble
The smiles and grins disappear
Replaced with such grim mumbles

A cloud of anger around
A shadow of doubt you see
The tears I thought were lost
It all comes back to me

Being sure of what to do
Does this feeling even exist?
What is that thing that I keep doing and makes me a misfit?

I wish I could just see
A little farther down my path
If I could avoid obstruction
I could've avoided this aftermath

Giving up is not an option
But this fight can't seem to win
Drives me up the wall
Sometimes crawls under my skin

I'm still looking for the answer
Frantic is my search
Beating my hands and legs
Got to float before I submerge

The ride is just like the 'show'
Come what may, it goes on
Clinging to threads of hope
And trying to be strong