I wish i was better than this

I wish I was better
Better equipped and fast
I wish I was better
And can do things that last

Instead I'm left wandering
Wondering at the stars
Why do they seem to wink
And why are they so far?

Why could I not figure
What I'm supposed to do?
Instead I'm left trying
At something everyone is good

But where's my part written?
Why can I not read?
I'm trying hard to listen
But no one seems to speak

I wish I was stronger
To take on more of the blame
Some part of it was not my fault
But now it's all a shame

Wish I could see the stumbling blocks,
Before I fall on those
Wish I had seen a bit ahead
Instead of staring at my toes

I wish I could tell them
How I see through their lies
How I feel about their tears
And all their fake smiles

I wish I was better
At what my heart yearns
A skill that I'd enjoy
A skill that would earn

Keep your eyes and ear
Open wide, they said
You will learn a lot from that
I did, I'm afraid.

What you learn can shock you
It can make you wise
I choose to look elsewhere
And at things without disguise

The search will continue
A constant effort and will
A will to make a difference
An effort to build the skill.