At war with me

The good luck is not good enough;
The bad luck can’t get worse,
The me’s what I’m beginning to hate,
This me’s quite absurd

The world’s strangely united when;
The whole world thinks I’m wrong
It curbs the rising fire within,
At me when it storms

I take it head on;
No doubt I’ll stand my ground,
But the ground shakes and breaks,
I’m not so strong after all.

The depths I begin to explore, an endless search in abyss,
The clouds of doubt and guilt make me feel amiss

Nobody understands,
is what I told myself
The one that broke all threads of trust,
Is the one I don’t deserve.

The one I’m talking about,
Is the one I know best
Or rather thought I did,
This one’s myself.

How can I plan or trust,
Or work or understand,
Which words can I use,
When I don’t know what I can

Steady this won’t be easy, this will take a while
With a little practice at the game, taking out more time
My brain will be trained; I can then spit my flow,
This hand will obey the master, excellence it will show

Then he rose, the poor boy, who got told off by the world,
He found his swagger, flamboyance, by all he’s adored

I'm Just Me

We started out young, we rowed alongside
we bowed to the greats, with hope they guide,
the practice done, the shackles they breakfree
transformed they appear, but I'm still me

The doubt apparent, my silence betrays
when I'm done mulling they look away
they're hailed and commended, a job i can see
I can't put my finger on it, I'm just me

found safety in the crowd, tension at bay
the doubt of direction I fail to convey
the seeds i failed to see, arriere pensee
Can't blame anybody, 'cause I'm just me

I seem to understand them and their disdain
They are what I thought, with them I acquaint
They're not wrong for that's the way to be
But I'm still different, but then I'm just me

They're just them, cold and prejudiced
Respected they're biased enough to do this
Refuse to see the tail below head, underneath
They try to prove they're right, but I'm still me

I almost believe the face I see,
But I can see the wheels turning
Inside they're heads they're cunning
I can see through but smile, as I'm just me

Now they're great, glory to thee
They are content, in the place to be
I'm still looking, for answers I seek
discontent, lost, unbiased i sink deep
But I don't lose hope, sense prevails idiocy
I tread pondering, for I'm only me.

End of the day

Tired of apprehension, this stress I don’t enjoy
Killjoy is work, no fun to be employed
The spirit is chained and restrained every move,
What do you really want? That point is moot

Smiles unseen, beyond miles they wait, the sky darkens
With every passing day, hell’s gates seem to never close,
We’re the angel’s baits; it’s me they chose,
It seems so close, just beyond my grasp; they close them doors, on me every time a darker path unfolds,
Untold realities, horrors lark,
On my path on which I walk, with disheartened heart,
As there’s nothing else I can think of to do
Nothing that can help me to see this through

A sigh of recovery.

The day ends, but sadness doesn't end;
the bruise's better, the pain doesn't end
I smile and laugh, the ache I can't ignore,
There must be a better way I can mend

The stars so far, what use are they,
The moon gives false hopes everyday
The fire within has burnt me through,
The ashes that's left, the wind blew

The cuts and slashes on me,
wets through the tourniquet
It bleeds but never heals,
Only time, will not tell!

to the heavens I pray, Solidarity won't suffice
Those who help themselves, cry
and pray for help and mercy and hope
The will inside seems to subside

But yet again, resilient I
blast through the darkening sky
I'll be strong and unwavering
I'll live; yes I'll survive
and I shall rise again and again
You'll see when I arrive!

The last part of Darkness

They told me to take the leap,
They drove me off the cliff
Blindfolded and bound, terror within
All I had was zilch

No sight or leverage I have,
It’s just a clue I seek,
They mistook my swollen and bleeding back,
For their sword’s sheath

Wavering and losing balance,
I feel the narrow ledge,
I remember the times of my life,
Moments filled with regrets,

Uneventful though it was,
I’m glad that part’s done,
The one that could not be,
And the ones you wanted none


The nights when I used to sleep,
And ones that were blurred,
Between them and the day ahead,
Was the nightmare I preferred

I guess the fear’s dead,
Soon with it I’ll meet, Couldn’t live
Without when I was awake,
Can’t abandon when I’m asleep

Here I am waiting,
it’ll be my turn soon
Apathy’s what I’m feeling,
It came when I needed it to.

All Work

The tension is palpable, charged is atmosphere,
A joke's 'round the corner and then there's lurking fear,
Help's always at hand, but time always evades,
The forehead is always creased, and work dissuades

Eyes on the screen, hands on the board,
Knees shaking weak and scraps on the floor,
I know a little bit, left is so much more,
The warmth is cooling off, turning stone cold

Rising complexities, situation's a facade
No idea 'bout the processes, it seems like a mirage
Eyes and ear wide open and there's open mind
Need to laugh it all away, but for now, I'll whine

Need a lotta salt, to take what comes to you
Should know diplomacy and how to shrug, too
I cannot fake this stuff, I don't think you need luck,
I am what I am; face it, it's not tough.

Two months on, I'm still the new guy,
Pushed from behind, front and the other sides,
The hands that push, are the ones that guide me well,
Without them I'd fall right down on my head!

Still I tread on, shaking off expectations,
Monday blues yet to face; my voice's my suasion
Blending is not a biggie, the grinding's that I'm worried
I gotta do it right when all the time you are scurried

Here's wishing me good luck, let's see where we go
Goodbye comfort zone, I got this line to toe
There's so much left to do and so much to grow
Got this spirit alive and with hope we must go.

NEWBORN

Newborn in the storm,
Newborn not so strong
These gales and lightening scare and scar
Here do I belong?

The ideas are shunned away
Taboo they are dubbed
Pushed out of the nest
Ask ‘em and they get snubbed

The fire in the eyes don't seem will last,
Nor will the trust or desire,
Sapped is energy, I'm still running
Goals are beyond apparent reach and I'm tired

Pushed from all the sides,
Includes my heart and mind
Half-heartednes, mediocrity
For this am I destined?

The second love of my life,
For this I struggle and strive
My first love, beginning to fade
Achieving it seems so naive

The spark it does exist
Can vouch for eternal glow
The life that flows inside me
Is powered by beat and hope

Destiny! Is it written already?
Or do I get to make?
Or what I do is meant to be
With choice rests my fate?