Finding the resilience

Drowning in the pit of inaction's paralyze
Engulfing darkness exploding into thousands of vague mirage
Creeps in desperation, but I am the strength seeker
The pit is not deep enough, instead i now dig deeper

Alone i am and want to be, the sins are mine to bear
Not lonely and making solitary retreat, perpetual frown i wear
Invisible cross I carry, 'cross the life's street
Is it delirium I'm experiencing or with pain i do really meet

The moon sets as the night’s glory rests in peace
The rays penetrate the darkness; dispels everything weak
This satchel's my baggage, a constant that's with me
Weighing me down as i walk, a burden, a part of me.

The fury burns within, potency grows to speak
The reckless part I cut it off and throw across the sea
That part is what I hated, I will not reminisce
The peeled knees will get me through this abhorrent journey

This knot in my mind is untied to pave way for more to learn
These boundaries that are self proclaimed be felled with a loud thud
Now i spend my waking hours, trying to wake up
The flowers i crushed on my way, I'm trying to make it up

Now i find my darkness, in the shadow I see the light
I see the view in front of me, I found what was right
I thank my stars above; I've been saved from the blight
Prepare I will ahead, the resilience's back to fight

With might in my thoughts, my pride now sits upright
With armour in my hand, and vision in my sight
I'm out to seek my destiny, the one I'll write myself
Reason's the totem I've discovered, of the end no longer afraid!

Some truths we got to live through

Five of the toughest truths that we have to live through:

1. Our love not reciprocated
2. Letting down somebody
3. Being the reason for someone's tears
4. Being silent when a friend accuses you and you know he's right
5. Not reciprocating somebody's love as you can't lie to yourself

Am I Unforgiven too?

I wrote a small song inspired from Metallica's "Unforgiven ii"
Unforgiven ii talks about how a man bitter from the world's agonies dubs the world as unforgiven and when he finds out that the only person he trusted ultimately betrays him, he kills her. Here's my take on the other side of the story.


I Lay beside you
You don't see me in the eye
So much more i want to explain
But something else is on your mind

The hopes that I see, On them you shut your door
I hold the key and I know a way
but we are where we were before
Back then you heard me
But you won't listen anymore
Inebriety gleams in your eyes
You won't listen anymore,
won't listen anymore
you just won't listen!

What I've felt, what I've done
I did for you and now I'm home
My love will you, now open the doors to the truth
What I've felt, what I've done
Ain't one of them, with you I belong
You didn't hear me out, and you don't see the sun, do you?
Am I unforgiven too?

I lay beside you
It couldn't hurt me any more
You shut your door and I, my eyes
you free me from this world
I lay beside you
and now you'll never know
i held the key to all their lies
but i'll leave you in their world,
never dreamed I'd lose to drugs
I can't believe it!

What I've felt, what I've done
I did for you and now I'm home
My love will you, now open the doors to the truth
What I've felt, what I've done
Ain't one of them, with you I belong
You didn't hear me out, and you don't see the sun, do you?
Am I unforgiven too?

Always me, was always free
but I'm unforgiven too.



***



Lyrics of the real song by Metallica

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's opened if you're true
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun
shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

[Chorus]
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

Yeah
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love
again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when
I'm gone
Yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there

[Chorus]
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

[Solo]

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes, now I see it

[Chorus]
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you

What I've felt, what I've known
So sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits
The one who waits for you


Oh, what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, just turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you

(Background) So I dub thee Unforgiven.

Oh, what I've felt
Oh, what I've known

I take this key (never free)
And I bury it (never me) in you
Because you're unforgiven too!

Never free
Never me
Because you're unforgiven too..
Oo-Oh-Oo

Here We Go Again

It's that time of the year, when everybody celebrates
When it all comes to the end, and here we go again
The things that everybody does,we never seem to do
It's no more fun to roam about, we're getting stuck in the blue

Some memories were bitter, we took a pinch of salt
And the good ones, we had real fun, and remembered Galt

Hoping for a better year and we hope for something new
We hope that things will change now and hope we start anew
Try to ignite that fire we try to find that spark,
The winter here was pretty bad, the snow wiped it out

With courage I move forward and with grit I grind my teeth
The fist is clenched and bleeds blood and the brow forms a V
I take a pledge and decide with resilience i'll strike back
I won't let anything faze me, with patience i'll attack


The bad things were a good riddance and the good was not so great
Glad to move on ahead and now with Janus we shake
The lessons we learnt were not so great, for more we do yearn
The more we try to get, the more we do discern

With hope filled in my heart, i take my blithe step
Towards the light that's promising and I'm all set
Let's celebrate the past, the things that's best forgotten
And usher in the new year and and walk the paths untrodden

We Love the Vandals

vandals shun and vandals blow
vandals steal all the show
another holy day it is
what happened, who wants to know!

trains stopped, buses halt
venture out and dealt with, you shalt
thou shalt sit and wonder why
der aint a bandh everyday

Students cheer, parents sigh
to hell with the politician guy
don't matter if it's heritage
or someone else's job at stake

i wonder not, i kid you not
i don't care how much the goi's lost
they don't care, they don't see
you can't put the blame on me

in the end it all cools down,
post-drama nobody wears a frown,
what just happened we don't know
got to work tomorrow for sure!

I've learned to Live

along came i, with nothing to lose
when there were simpler things to choose,
but life grows and moves ahead
and difficult becomes fun instead

weirdness and uneasiness go hand in hand sometimes
when you try to judge someone and u end up with a y
break do expectations and shatters does the dream
without a sound you learn to weep, with a smile you learn to scream

clenching fist hide the anger 'cause in my pocket is my hand
the tears flow with the rain and nobody understands

you learn to live with cruelty, the world at first it seems
the sorrow's buried deep within, you see it in your dreams
now that it's been a long time, unreal it seems to me
that i smile with the world and have forgotten broken things
have learnt to live away from all, though company i do keep
i laugh and talk but i do remember, i am what i need

now with a chip on my shoulder, wandering 'bout this road
i need nobody beside me, i'm better off alone
i need no shoulder to cry on or hands when i'm in dark
no voice to care for me, i shun this world's facade
i don't care about their advices, i don't care about the games
i'l be damned to get affected, it doesn't matter what you say

this i've learnt to live with, and have longed to be this free
alone i am and will be and when it's over i'l be in peace.

Glad I can't turn back time

We all expect. We expect that our family, our friends will take care of us, help us, listen when you need them the most, that someone somewhere will think of us, and at times, think for us. We expect that we will reap the fruits of the seeds we never sowed, in a land long forgotten and alien to the concept of sowing. All in all, my point is we all expect some things that we expect us to deserve or believe is made for us, sometimes unreasonably. But where does that leave us? What does that really give us?

Disappointments, heartbreaks, shattered confidences and teary eyes. In turn, a scary world, despicable people, unreliable friendships, judging relationships and discerning attitudes.
I’ve learnt something. It may probably be termed as escapism. But what if we stop expecting things. Isn’t that what Lord Krishna asked us to do in Geeta?

Not expecting anything from anybody to do anything for us, ever. Let’s take this “not expecting things” to a deeper level.
What will happen if we stop expecting?

We will never be hurt if our friends forget us or don’t help us. If there’s a party and you are not invited, you have got nothing to be upset about, because you were not expecting to be invited anyway and you had already planned what you’ll be doing in that time. Every party invitation then comes as a surprise, although nothing changes after that. You still don’t expect people to like you, you don’t expect to have fun at the party, you don’t expect to meet new people, you don’t expect the house to be filled with people dancing and boozing [after all, in India, a popular connotation of a party is having free dinner!]. So every new person you meet is a pleasure. Everything comes as a pleasant surprise.
My disclaimer here is, you can never stop expecting from the person you know the best. You. The only person you can talk into, to take up challenges, constantly.

Not expecting does not mean following Murphy’s Law [Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong]. It just means not having any pre-conceived notions in one’s mind. When you hear of an event, say a concert, you form a certain image and a certain level of expectation in your mind. You picture yourself getting new clothes for the concert, singing the chorus with the singer, shaking hands with the band, taking a picture with the band and probably an autograph too. What you end up in doing is trying to get a glimpse of the band from the last row where you can hear the crowd more than the band.

Pessimism? Maybe. But the good thing about pessimism is that I can never be sad reminiscing because you never reminisce. I feel it is better that what’s done is done because if I had a choice you would never turn back time. This is because, it would mean, going through the same things I could barely stand happening once. whatever that's happened seems like good riddance and whatever that's gonna happen is uncertain and hence there's actually nothing to look forward to and nothing to regret. Simple.